‘Compassionate Conservatives'

‘Compassionate Conservatives'

That's what our Prime Minister said in PMQs when one of her own MPs asked about benefits and inflation...

Liz Truss, our current Prime Minister (apparently), the Margret Thatcher wannabe, has no control. The pathetic embodiment of yesterday's left overs that the Tories haven't even bothered to reheat. She's so bad her own party already want her gone.

I'm astonished, I didn't think we could sink any lower, already half sunk and struggling to stay afloat. Yet now, after flapping our arms rapidly, after kicking our legs frantically, the hopes of grasping just one small breath of life saving air in this sea of a shit storm seems evermore unlikely. Storm Boris may have subsided, but we're still here, stranded in Tory oblivion and now the surface above us is starting to freeze over.

Liz Truss, the malfunctioning Thatcher action figure, 'the lady is for U-turning' ex Liberal and remainer, is a completely unspectacular leader. Looking like a deer in headlights, as if she's just happened to walk into the commons by mistake when she was actually looking for a Pret, cannot seem to hold any ground. That's when she can be bothered to show up of course.

So what has she achieved so far?

The tax cutting Mini Budget of Chaos. The biggest sticking point of the budget being a massive tax cut of the top rate of earners. The Tories aren't even pretending anymore, those who earn more would keep more, that's the basic idea behind Truss's trickle down economics. The idea that the rich are to be rewarded and the poor should aspire to be rich. The idea that giving the rich more money will lead to the tickle down effect and boost the economy, benefitting everyone. A complete fallacy in my opinion, the rich don't spend money, they save it, they hoard it, in off-shore tax havens, in unaffordable, untenanted properties, it wouldn't trickle down to schools or the NHS, instead they'd spend it on Bupa and private school donations.

If you want to boost the economy give it to people that will actually spend it, the people that live hand to mouth, the people that need money and will spend it in their local communities because they need to live. The people that will go to their local shops and pubs, the people that use public transport to get to work and not private jets, the people that need their second hand washing machine repaired for a 3rd time, the people that need food for their families and clothes for their kids, the people paying rent cause they can't afford a mortgage, the people forever paying off their debts, spending money on cigarettes and alcohol, highly taxable goods! Reinvestment!

But no. Let us give the bankers a bonus! Scrapping the cap on bankers bonuses while NHS staff are paying for parking at the hospitals they slave away in. The bankers, of course, deserve it more.

They announced this mini-budget, then the pound plummeted, mortgages went up and everyone panicked. Have no fear though, Truss blamed Kwasi and then swiftly replaced him as Chancellor with none other than Jeremy Hunt. So now the 'not so mini' mini-budget's gone. Well, not all of it, the bankers get to keep their bonus but the rest has been reserved. Jeremy Hunt, dubbed the caretaker Prime Minister cause Truss hasn't got a fucking Scooby Doo about anything, can now finish what he started as Health and Social care Minister. Pulverising the NHS to dust and finally unleashing the wrath of private medical companies upon the reminisce.

Him and Truss can then drive off in their Mystery Machine having not unmasked the monster but instead enabling it. If it weren't for those meddling kids hey?

What else?

Suella de Vil, having recently blamed the 'Guardian reading, tofu eating, wokerati' for travel disruptions has now resigned. What a crying shame!

She can join Kwasi, keeping him company in the recycling bin for short lived ministers and their healthy sized redundancy pay-outs. Waiting patiently for the next Prime Minister to rebrand them in what ever shape or fashion they so require. Shouldn't be a long wait.

Tick tock, tick tock.