If Boris goes, who on earth will be next?

I think Boris Johnson is the Ministerial drink equivalent of pouring Red Bull into an expired Yakult, then taking that Yakult and throwing it into an industrial blender, it’s bound end in a sticky mess. Disguising itself as an out-dated probiotic for the nation, carrying the fermented knowledge of Conservatives who would love to have served under Thatcher but all the while, behind the bumbling clown façade, lies a fully caffeinated narcissistic mop, who pathologically lies its way through life and would happily sell its own children to Satan, given the right price. If only he was able to locate all of them.

I won’t lie, that was a difficult one, trying to figure out what drink best describes Boris; close second was a curdled Yop.  As he always seems overly hot and sweaty in interviews, like he’s been left out in ‘The Sun’ too long and is starting to smell a bit off. Point being, he doesn’t have much longer before his party remove him from the refrigerated display shelf of public view and tuck him away somewhere no one can hear him mumbling about building back better, cause his puppet masters forgot to install an off switch. Sajid Javid and his AI friends were working to fix the malfunctioning ‘Boris-bot’ as they call it but have now been stopped in their tracks like HS2 after Labour called Sajid out for breaking the ministerial code. For goodness’ sake Labour, why do you keep getting in the way of honest criminal activity?

On top of another fresh helping of corruption and broken promises to the North I also read this week that Priti Patel has stealthy added a clause to the nationality and borders bill allowing the Government to remove a person’s British Citizenship without notice. They could even remove Citizenship without telling that person and could do so while that person was abroad in another country. Making the availability of an appeals process questionable. Priti Patel, a politician unable to properly open her mouth as her jaws inevitably seized up from grinding down all those babies’ bones, has now added fuel to the fire of a broken immigration system which conflates refugees, asylum seekers, and illegal immigrants as all being one and the same. Not only is this not true but it is also extremely dangerous for those people currently having to flee their homelands. Places such as Afghanistan, which we are no doubt partially responsible for.

I fear that being able to strip someone of their citizenship without notice is a way for Government to wash their hands of any kind of responsibility and could be very easily abused. When we talk of Shamima Begum, for example, we should not forget that she was radicalised while living within this country. Perhaps we should look to solve problems closer to home rather than trying to push the blame elsewhere. Pointing the finger at ‘illegal immigrants’ crossing the channel is an easy way out. Priti would happily have people believe that the problem isn’t the broken system we have here, no. The problem is on the outside and we must stop them getting in. Even if that means letting innocent people drown in the channel. Women and children, mostly from Afghanistan, fleeing a War-torn country in the desperate hopes of having any kind of life worth living. After all, “British Citizenship is a privilege not a right.”

Priti Patel as Prime Minister paints a bleak picture of the future, like having an embodiment of Thatcher’s ghost come back from beyond the grave to pick up where she left off. If I was to paint that picture it would probably resemble Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ just with more blood and less optimism.

But if not her then who? As scary as it is it will have to be someone from the long list of Tory candidates, none of them being a favourable choice. Rishi Sunak? Jeremy Hunt? Jacob Reece-Mogg? Like playing a game of monopoly but the only pieces you have left to choose from are shards of broken glasses and slightly bigger bits of broken glass that you’ll be forced to swallow should you lose the game. They must be stopped. Either come the next election or by revolution we must stop this madness. It is just plain savagery, and they are the criminals!