Important Political ‘Work’
My teenage years were a bit of a blur. Looking back now I have just one wish. I wish I hadn't worked quite so hard. If only my 17 year old self had the knowledge I do now. I would definitely have paused, slowed down and would've tried to enjoy my youth. Alas, I realise now, I completely wasted it. The time of my life when I should have been enjoying the good times and making the most of everything to come my way, I was too busy. Too busy 'working'.
You see, what I didn't realise back then, was that my drunkenness as a reckless teenager was, in fact, political work of the upmost importance. What's more, had I known this, I would have definitely aspired to become a member of parliament. It's highly probable that my 17 year old self, with all the potential to become the best politician that ever did exist, could have accomplished great things on behalf of this country.
It's been said I was a bit of a workaholic in my youth. From what I can remember, I never stopped working. I worked after work, I worked weekends, sometimes I even worked Friday nights right through till Monday mornings. I vividly remember staggering home from various meetings, dishevelled and overworked. I get flashbacks even now, my 17 year old self, attending such meetings, sat round a colleagues house at 1am, slurring my words over a game of cards and a bottle of Jack. I would never let the team down, if there was a meeting I was there. Chairman of the board, leading by example, showing all my subordinates how a professional does it. I never knew it at the time but its clear now, I had the makings of a true politician.
Of course, this revelation only came to me after watching our Prime Minister in PMQs last week. Boris said he believed that the BYOB party in the garden of number 10 had been a work meeting. Based on his assessment, as a trusted leader with years of experience, I must therefore conclude that similar gatherings to this, from my own past, would also have to be classed as 'work'.
Number 10, now famously known as the Fabric of Westminster, is evidently the place to be. Bringing a whole new meaning to party politics, it seems Boris and his team having been 'working' around the clock. Even with all my expertise in this field, I doubt even I would have the stamina at this point in my life to keep up with them. Especially as I've just had a baby and haven't properly 'worked' in a while. No. Best leave it to the experts. The party animals. The 'Big Dogs'.
All joking aside, what we've seen in parliament recently utterly disgusts me. The PM has once again put himself above the law. Lying about events over and over then laughing about it to our faces. All while we're told to wait for Sue Gray to tell us what we all already know. The Prime Minister must go!
It really is that simple and I do believe that anybody else would have had the decency to step down.
As you’ll likely know, there were several parties in number 10 when the rest of the country were saying our last goodbyes to loved ones via video calls. Boris Johnson attended these parties, then claimed they never happened, then he was just as disgusted as us that the parties happened and now he is deeply sorry he got caught with no one left to throw under the bus.
We don't need an investigation from Sue Gray to ‘lay out the facts’ when we all know the law has been broken. Boris Johnson and his party are stalling, hoping the dust will soon settle so they can sweep all this under the carpet. Though, there’s so much under the carpet already it’s getting harder and harder to walk over. I wonder what other dirt is hidden beneath it that we are yet to uncover and perhaps never will.
The ‘election-friendly’ bumbling Boris caricature is a distant memory that the people are no longer buying into. He knows it, and worse for him, so does the rest of his party. We have already seen a few principled Conservative MPs speak out recently, no longer prepared to defend the indefensible, and rightly so.
Democracy is under attack and the corruption continues to spread, trickling it's way down from the top. Though, as unfortunate as it is for us, the police seem to no longer be interested in investigating unlawful behaviour. Shame. I think society would function much better if they did. It’s depressing when you look at the mess we’re in and quickly realise it’s all because this soggy custard cream, who can't even brush it's own hair, somehow made it's way up to the top of the biscuit barrel and became leader of the entire sodding country.
Personally, I wouldn’t have trusted Boris to watch wet paint dry, heard he prefers wallpaper anyway.