Self-doubt

I'm in the bath typing away on my phone, trying not to drop it, writing what will now become my second ever post blog. I have only just started thinking up ideas and there it is. It creeps in. Self-doubt! I was wondering how long that would take. As I'm writing now there's that little voice in my little head taunting me.

'Who do you think you are! No one is ever going to read this! And if by some miracle anyone ever did why would they care what YOU think!'

The little voice might be right. I do know that. But since having my son I promised myself things would be different. That I wouldn't let the little voice win anymore! That I would at least try. No harm in trying, nothing to lose. I should stop caring about what others might think. The people that mind don't matter, and the people the matter don't mind. It's only as you get older you start to realise more and more everyday how true that is.

So that little voice that turns up ever so often just to put me down and call me names can F*** off as far as I'm concerned. I'm not listening anymore!

I wrote a poem last week and sent it to an online magazine to see if they liked it, it was about pigs and factory farming. Unfortunately for me they decided to publish something else.

'Of course they did, you're shit!'
There's that little voice again.


My normal reaction when something like that happens is to just give up. 'What's the point! The poem was shit anyway!' And as much as I want to do that now, I'm not going to. Instead, I have published the poem myself on 'MaisieReacts'. So we'll see how that goes down.

The news has been focusing quite a bit on factory farming of late. Due to the climate crisis. But have no fear everyone Boris has the answers! We can start feeding people to animals. Yes! Why didn't I think of that! Another brilliant idea from Bo Jo and I would love to make a suggestion on who we could start with! However, don't know if I could live with myself, the pigs have been through enough.

***

The thing about self-doubt is if you let it fester then it can grow, quite quickly actually. At least in my case anyway. Like wearing a raincoat made of cotton wool, it weighs you down. The more layers you wear the heavier it gets. In the past that little voice has stopped me from doing so many things.

Yes, it's probably true that I would have failed. And still might. But it is also very likely that no one is reading this anyway. And even so, no matter what drivel I write about, I couldn't appear to be anymore idiotic than our great PM, even if that was my aim! No. That would be pretty much impossible. And if that man can run the country, then there is no amount of self-doubt that could convince me not to keep writing this blog.