Brutal Business
It’s finally back! After a long wait, a new series of ‘The Apprentice’ graced our scenes once again on Thursday. Full to the brim with it’s usual vanity and arrogance, my jaw hit the floor within the first minute of the show. The self-assuredness of some of this year’s candidates is remarkable. I don’t know if I’m more jealous or repulsed by their confidence but if that’s what it takes to make it in business, you can count me out now. Some days I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror for fear of self-loathing, let alone big myself up to such an extent on national television.
In the show’s opening one candidate, Akshay, boldly stated, ‘I have this disgusting self-belief…I’m so confident to the point where people think I’m deluded’ he unbelievably followed that up with, ‘and that is my strength.’ Personally, I fail to see how having potential business partners thinking you’re deluded is a strength. Part and parcel of the problem, really. Another candidate, Navid, boasted that ‘I’m the EST of everything, which means I’m the coolest, smartest and wickedest in Business.’ However, as usual, it didn’t take the audience, or Lord Sugar for that matter, very long to realise that some of the candidates might have slightly over exaggerated on their CVs this year.
The cringey confidence causally carries on throughout the show, then the bitchiness came. Catherine, who became dictator of the girl’s team, steam rolled her way over the voices of everyone else. The end result: ‘Bouji Cruises’. I have come across the term Bouji in the past but it’s not something I would have ever associated with friendship or having a good time. Bouji, in my mind, means being kind of snobby or stuck up, but perhaps that was exactly the sort of target market Catherine was aiming for. Who knows? I don’t think she knew to be fair. Regardless, choosing ‘Bouji’ was probably a poor judgement.
On an advertising task, one of the most basic things you want to get right is branding. Which is why the boys team made sure to incorporate the name of the business within the logo. Oh, wait? They didn’t. Well, that’s business lesson 101 utterly gone to waste. At least their logo conveyed the ethos of the business, right? No. In Karen’s words it was a ‘half-man, half-rotten banana’. It was meant to be luxury, promoting health and mindfulness. The logo produced was pitiful. It looked more like something you’d find in the gutter on the streets of Camden Town late on a Friday night. Not pleasant. At this point, I’m surprised most of the candidates even knew what a cruise ship was.
As the chaos continued, as most of the candidates ignorantly took it upon themselves to play the main character of the entire Apprentice saga, I couldn’t help but love it. Watching with amazement, as the ship began to sink uncontrollably, the first episode finally docks at the all too familiar boardroom. Scrapping a win by a fraction of a hair, the girl’s team make their way to the prize of a ‘Bouji’ house while the boys kicked their legs frantically to stay above water. Each candidate turning on the others to save themselves from drowning. Project manager, Akshay, brought back Akeem for the disastrous logo and Harry on account of his disliking of said logo. In the end, Lord Sugar decided to fire Harry for disruption.
Even though it’s only been one week, you can usually tell by first impressions which of the candidates will make it the distance. My personal favourites so far, and top three to watch are, Aaron, Amy and Shama. To me they seem to be the most sensible and mature of all of candidates, especially Shama. However, it’s still early days and as expected, there were a few candidates that blended into the background this week. So, it’s entirely possible that the top three could change. Guess we will just have to wait patiently and see what happens next.